When we listen to someone being vulnerable and we respond with something like:
“That reminds me of something I experienced”
And then talk about that for the next ten minutes, we have 'story matched'. We’ve taken their moment of vulnerability and turned it into an opportunity to talk about ourselves. This is a careless thing to do. Sadly, it’s happening in every cafe up the length and breadth of the UK.
Have you ever shared with someone about a hard week, only to be told, “that’s nothing compared to my week”? Have you ever wept in front of someone during deep loss, only for them to talk about themselves? Have you ever shared exciting news, only for your story to be used as a platform to hear their story? In those moments you likely felt like the conversation was hijacked. That’s because it was.
Sometimes we might feel that sharing a part of our story will help the person, because they will see that we have experienced a similar situation to them. This must be done carefully. You may start to overshare and not get back to their story. You may share something that seems even worse than their story, so they feel like their story is nothing compared to yours. You may share and they don’t see the connection. If you’re going to use a part of your story to connect with someone being vulnerable with you, keep checking in with them to see if it’s actually helpful.
We are called to weep with those who are weeping, to rejoice with those who are rejoicing, not to make their story a launching pad for ours.
As I think about sharing both hard and good things in my life with others, it’s hard for me to think about sharing with those who tend towards story matching.
I know I’ve story matched. I’ve heard stories of sorrow, fear, joy, and have responded by telling them all about something in my own life. I can only imagine how unheard they must have felt. How selfish of me.
Who am I more likely to talk to? Someone who will follow up on what I’ve just shared, someone who will weep with me or rejoice with me over my story.
Comentários