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Vulnerability (Part 5): The Minimising

Writer's picture: The Baldy BishopsThe Baldy Bishops

Onions have layers. As you peel back on one layer, you get to the next. And so on, until you get to the core. An iceberg has a lot more going on under the surface.

 

Trust takes time. Vulnerability has layers. Perhaps someone will trust me with one layer and then, over time, be a little more vulnerable. However, if I am careless with the first layer, they likely won’t trust me with a deeper level. The initial layers of trust and vulnerability might seem shallow and trivial, however, the person might want to see how you handle this level of vulnerability before they trust you with the next.

 

If you respond to someone’s vulnerability with, “you just need to…” or “that’s nothing”, then you are minimising and trivialising.

 

Recently, I watched a child drop their sweets on the floor. Devastated, they ran to their father for comfort. The dad got on his knees and embraced their child, listened to their anguish and expressed compassion. I remember thinking, that dad really cares about these small things, when the bigger things of life come, that kid will likely keep running to his father. If, however, the father had minimised the moment, and continued to do that, I wonder if the child would keep running to his father when the big things come?

 

If someone matters to you, then the things that matter to them will matter to you.

 

I tend to avoid being vulnerable with people who have responded to me with statements like “that’s nothing” or “you’re not the only one going through hard things”.


I know I’ve minimised. I’ve listened to the first layers of someone’s difficulties and thought “that’s nothing” and have expressed those thoughts in how I spoke to them. There was more to them and more to their experience that I never had the privilege of hearing, because I didn’t earn more trust. How shallow of me.

 

Who am I more likely to talk to? Someone who understands that there are layers to sin and suffering and that there are layers to trust and vulnerability. Someone who will treat me with compassion and understanding. Someone who will treat whatever I share with them as important to them, because they can see it’s important to me.


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